“You are so good. So good, you’re always feeling so much. And sometimes it feels like you’re gonna bust wide open from all the feeling, don’t it? People like you are the best in the world, but you sure do suffer for it.”—Silas House, This is My Heart for You (via wordsnquotes)
the world is incredible. there are girls in this world, and there are also dogs. you can put melted cheese on any type of potato. sometimes flowers grow even when nobody is there to water them. right now on this same planet where we live there are people who are in love with each other kissing each other on the nose. emotions and colours are both things that exist. everything is so great
u ever like have a crush but its not a crush its not romantic ur just like “-looks into persons eyes- u….r my bro………….4ever……………..our broship will never die…………..ill fight 4 u in HELL we ride……………..ride………….ride on the roads of bro hell 2gether………………………………..”
I get too involved in my own life. I obsess over things that are happening to me, I’m consumed by my own experiences, I indulge in my own feelings and desires. This is the result of me finally wanting to take care of myself. Of wanting to protect myself.
I’ve been selfless for so long. I’ve cared too much about what other people think. I’ve been too invested in everyone else’s lives to give a fuck about my own.
If I am distant or don’t check up on you on a weekly basis
that is probably because some shit is going down in my life as well.
And also I forget.
I’ve had a lot of high anxiety days and weeks this summer. For many reasons but mostly because I miss my little sister and boyfriend so much. I get periods of extreme adult separation anxiety, it is a symptom of my anxiety disorder. I rarely tell anyone but the close people (friends or family) in my immediate, physical surroundings about this (this summer they’ve been mostly my mum and occasionally bf because they’re the ones I’ve seen the most. This autumn those people will be my friends and bf, that is if they don’t hate me after this.) because that is usually enough to lift the weight off my chest and let me breathe again.
I am grateful for the fact that people care about me enough to help me and be there for me when times are shitty. I really am. I appreciate it to the moon and back and to the ends of all galaxies everywhere. I would not be here writing this if it weren’t for the people that have helped me get back up again. I’d be in my bed, shaking and crying over something that happened a year and a half ago.
But I also acknowledge that my friends and family cannot always be around when I need to be picked up and when I’m going through a shitty phase. Sometimes I just have to do it myself. I don’t rely on them to be 100% updated on my problems at all times. If they are there for me when they want to and feel like that’s the thing to do and I need it, I am eternally grateful and I will express that and love them for it. If they aren’t for one reason or the other, I just have to cope on my own. I’m fine with that because, ultimately, I can’t always rely on other people to pick me up. Sometimes I have to be enough for myself. This is my philosophy and you can disagree with it, that’s all fine and dandy.
But I want you to know that this the reason why I am the idiot who forgets to check up on friends. I suck at it because it’s not my top (it is up there, though) priority to be there for my friends all of the time, purely because that’s not what I expect from my friends either. That sounds horrible, I know, but that does not mean I do not care.That does not mean that my friends mean nothing to me. That does not mean you can’t come to me with your problems and ask me to help you cope. Let me be very clear about that.
If you tell me you’re not doing so well, I will help youif you need and want me to. I will listen to you ramble endlessly, I will feed you chocolate until you feel better if you want me to, I will fucking insult an asshole and draw their (metaphorical or not) dick on trees and lamp posts for you if that is what you want. I will make you feeling better my priority and I will be there for you and I will be more than happy to do it. But if we don’t talk on a regular basis for whatever reason, temporarily or not, I am more than likely to forget to ask how you are doing because that is how I am. I put myself first and in the process I forget.
But do not for one second think you are not important to me and that I do not care about you. Or that you’re only important to me when I need you to comfort me or make me feel better. Even typing that sentence out made me want to throw up, I am not that person. That is a different type of selfishness altogether.
I do care. I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t.
But I am also a selfish, forgetful asshole who takes care of herself first. Sorry.
“I didn’t fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we’d choose anyway. And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.”—Kiersten White
“A woman is only vulnerable when her nail polish is drying, and even then she can still pull a trigger.”—some great quote I heard somewhere once upon a time and that is very, very true (via traffic-jam-session)
sebastian stan??? nah what a jerk what a— [trips] [hundreds of thousands of photos of sebastian stan spill out of jacket] w-what a fuckign asshole i these arent mine im just [gathering them up frantically sweating] listen i just listen fuck [thousands of pictures of sebastian stan scatter across the floor] shit fcuk im holding them for chris evans just listen